Uniform Civil Code

Lately, I've been giving a lot of thought to the Uniform Civil Code of India. And don't get me wrong here - I am not referring to the other Uniform Civil Code of India, which has already been flogged to death in Barkha Dutt's panel-discussions over the past few decades. No sir, here I allude to the Uniform Civil Code of India, which is an Indian Code, of Uniforms, imposed on the Civilians of the country (hence the name, duh).

I forget the exact text, but the general consensual interpretation of the code seems to be that no civilian, who has any notion of self-worth of any kind, will be permitted to carry himself gracefully in human society, and will be encumbered to that end, by various government-controlled institutions that he/she is associated with, with one or more (preferably more) accessories scientifically designed to make him/her resemble a cross between an okapi and a budgeriger. For all the lingually-challenged folk (like my all my blood-relatives), Exhibit A on your right.

It seems that Delhi Public School has taken the notion of "standing out in the crowd" to extremes. With a uniform like this, our children are not just going to stand out in a crowd, they're going to stand out in the universe; in fact, given a choice, I bet most of them would beg to stand outside it!

But what is the disagreement of a few hundred thousand children against the esteemed opinion of the handful of specialists hired specifically for the job of dress-code standardization? How would a kid's underdeveloped brain even begin to comprehend the immense service he renders to all his fellow-beings he comes in contact with, howsoever remotely, and the profound impact he has on their otherwise drab lives? For example, here is a case of a suicidal farmer struggling to make ends meet for his family, who, when he saw this schoolgoer in his lurid costume, had a turnaround of intent, as he surely must have thought, "There is greater grief in the world than mine". Or the one about the banker, who would drive himself to the point of a nervous breakdown everyday, keeping tabs on the wildly oscillating fortunes of his investments. But the sight of his neighbour's 5-year old daughter step gingerly into her hired rickshaw, all smothered in hideous shades of pink and beige, would, to use video-gaming parlance, 'frag' his self-pity, "At least I'm not her". In fact, recent statistics show a steady rise of "Why Me?" Tshirts amongst the age-group of 2-25.

Oh, and just in case you started to disconnect from this stream of thought thinking it is not applicable to you, hang on! for things are going to change for you, too. The UPPCL (Power Corporation of UP, for the uninitiated) recently announced an equally, if not more, appalling code of humiliation for all its employees. Photographs, unfortunately, are not available, as the union has threatened to dismember anyone who brings a camera or some such device within a 15-mile radius of the Shakti Bhawan in Lucknow. Suffice to say that, were you to chance by Hazratganj some day, and encounter an army of people, cutting across ages, gender and financial strata, all trussed-up in what can only be described as Ramu blue shirts (apologies to the ladies; I know you'd prefer a more culinary adjective along the lines of apple green/ peach/ eggshell, but this is the closest I could come to the kitchen; Ramu was my permanent fixture in the said part of the house for 20 years), you'd be better advised keeping your snide comments about 'an NCC cadet-force who forgot their caps' to yourself, as this would be the same union everyone was warned about. Of course, what this has done is cure the entire workforce in UPPCL of their Monday blues!!

Now, only if someone could come up with a phrase about the peacock colours that my son refuses to be seen with.